Why more men should become feminists

Feminists can be bloody annoying – I can’t lie. They drive you crazy. Already, springing to mind are images of angry, short-haired, self-righteous lesbians, who can’t wait to blame everything under the sun on us men.

Maybe not. Perhaps you’re not a bigot and don’t tar everyone with the same brush, and can recognise that not all feminists are as bad as that. But to quote one of the biggest dons in world football, Mr Neil Warnock: “The stupid minority are usually louder than the sensible majority.”

So the stereotype persists, and like many social movements, feminism manages to marginalise itself, because unfortunately the voices of the radical fringes have a knack of drowning out sensible feminist sentiment.

I think one of the things that upsets people about radical feminism is the tendency to focus on men. If we trace feminism back to its intellectual origins, it’s not really men that feminists were ever attacking – it’s patriarchy.

“Patriarchy is the institution by which male shall dominate female, and elder male shall dominate younger” – Kate Millet.

“Women are made, they are not born” – Simone De Beauvoir.

These are not attacks on men, they are comments on the social institutions through which we derive our everyday norms.

But it seems as if feminism itself has forgotten what it is trying to change, and all over the UK, there has been a steady growth in the men’s movement in consequence, and much of its appeal is its general abhorrence towards feminism, which it sees as its arch enemy.

I reckon we can actually reconcile the men’s movement and feminism. Ultimately, whether or not they know it, the two movements are actually fighting a mutual enemy – patriarchy.

Traditionally only girls have had to really focus on maintaining body image, and men have got away with being a little more careless in their own appearance management. Now though, due to the pervasiveness of social media and a raft of celebrities, footballers and models showcasing themselves on the internet, there is a growing demand from girls that boys should have six packs and big chests and arms, and in consequence, a growing pressure on boys, especially teenagers to go out and obtain that, and I have spoken to many boys who go to the gym solely to go and get more girls. Patriarchy is putting the onus on boys to be “more masculine” and with this comes a whole raft of pressures, of which body image is but one.

Patriarchy affects men and boys in other ways too. For instance, over the course of 2014/15, 4% of men aged 16-59 have experienced domestic abuse. That is still half the 1.4 million women who have also suffered over this period. Yet instances of both categories are increasing year on year. An important difference is that it is generally more socially acceptable for a woman to ask for support than it is for a man, and in consequence, many men don’t seek any help at all, because they are too ashamed. Why do they feel ashamed? Largely because in a patriarchal society, men are supposed to be seen as dominant and resilient. Domestic abuse exposes vulnerability and we live in a culture where this is considered unmasculine. THAT’S BECAUSE OF PATRIARCHY.

Consider normal social interaction and gender norms. Society frowns upon girls who sleep around, and these girls are often crudely dismissed as ‘sluts’, ‘slags’ or ‘skets’ (why do these pejoratives always begin with an ‘s’?) as a way of maintaining the norm that girls should be content sleeping with as few people as possible.

Contrast that with boys: if I bring back a different girl every night of the week then my friends will call me a ‘don’, a ‘player’ or a ‘boss’ (of course this doesn’t happen very often, largely because instead of going out and talking to girls, I spend my time writing this sort of rubbish… and I have no friends). This puts its own pressures on boys, because it becomes expected that we put ourselves out there and shag as many girls as we can.

Once again, social media has a manner of reinforcing the perception among boys who are less successful with the opposite sex, that everyone else is getting some action apart from them. Similarly with girls, who can often talk about boys for hours on end without interruption. But it is considerably harder for boys to talk to their friends about this sort of thing, for fear of being seen as weak, unmasculine, a ‘pussy’… all because of the institutional norms patriarchy has placed upon us all.

I could go on. Patriarchy pervades everything we do, and so there are a number of instances where it affects boys and girls differently. I am a feminist… I have the T-shirt so that proves it. But I don’t hate men. I see how patriarchy negatively effects men and boys and I want to do something about it. Joining the men’s movement seems foolish because of their anti-feminist sentiment. But if feminists themselves can start a conversation about how patriarchy impacts men and women differently, then we might just create a more tolerant and understanding world.